So it's just me without you
And I'm focused on still breathing
But even that's too hard to do
When weeks are months
And years are gone
I wonder what we could have done
With the minutes we had left
You said it was forever and I had promised myself never
But it seems now we've stolen each other's point of view
And now you'll move on without me
But I'll never white you out of my life

And I can still see the smile that you wore
The real one that you saved for special days
And how it spread across your face when you squirmed
Because I was tickling you with my thumbs hooked into
The waistband of your shorts under your too big jeans
And the bitter way you tasted after smoking, but how I'd smile and think
That I could get used to this

I remembered how the best night of my life
Was the Saturday after I turned 16
Even though my friends yelled at me.
It was a night like that where the store clerk would ask
If "you want us to put a slower song on" because we were "so cute"
And how we were standing in that store with my arms around your neck
And yours around my waist and how all I wanted to do
Was to melt away completely with you

I remember looking into your eyes and seeing your soul
How you looked back into mine like there wasn't anything else in the world
The way you complained when my hands touched your stomach because they were
"too cold" and how you looked wearing my sweatshirt with the
leopard print on the hood with your ripped grey hat that you let me wear once
and how I had placed my birthday crown over your hood and you
wore it even though you didn't want to and the way my sweatshirt
smelled like you for a week after you wore it

I remember smelling that sweatshirt because it brought you to me
And that I never thought smoke and shampoo could smell so sweet
How you told me in December that you'd think of me every night
Even though you thought of me enough already and how I'd fall asleep
with you on the phone at night and that only you were allowed to wake me up
when you swore that you'd live forever if I did and that if I died it'd
make your heart go black, you were a business man selling love
and I was drinking it up by the gallon. I remember how I adjusted
my sleeping schedule just so that I wouldn't be tired when you called
and how I thought that you were worth the $300 I went over on
my cell phone bill but what I remember the most is how you kept me up in bed
dreaming of how happy we were and how you promised you run away with me.
How nothing else in the world mattered but us and how I could say
"I love you" and mean it and you'd say "I love you" and I could believe it.

But you taught me the truth about forever you said you'd live forever if I did,
Sweetheart I died yesterday and when I did it would make your heart go black
Well dear right now you're acting like you don't have one. I can't sleep through
The night because there are those gaps where you'd insert your calls. You still
Keep me up in bed and you still matter but in different wishful ways and
So much has changed but you're still the boy who's arms I'd let
Myself die in and eyes I'd always stare in, the boy who I could say
"I love you" to and mean it and the boy who could say
"I love you" and make me believe it.